Friday, June 11, 2010
The Benefits of Having a Ninja for a Boyfriend
I have a boyfriend who is better than everyone else’s boyfriend.
“But my boyfriend is a rocket scientist and part time model for GQ. He also has a trust fund the size of Montana, yet is not immature in the slightest! He listens to my problems and pets my stomach while feeding me chocolate when I’m on my period. He buys me flowers for no reason and yesterday he proposed with the most sparkly diamond right EVER!”
But is he a ninja?
Didn’t think so. I win.
There is only one downside to My Super Awesome Ninja Man, which is how he will be referred to from now on. He lives halfway across the country. It hasn’t always been that way mind you, and soon that will be remedied.
Anyways, back to the benefits of ninja boyfriends.
1. They give you an excuse to buy things at the weapons store.
I love the weapons store. Actually I like this one store that has a weapons section (L&L’s Unique Store) more than the regular store just for weapons. But the point is I like to buy weapons. Do I ever use them? That’s beside the point. Shurikens (ninja stars) are a to ninjas as food is to us non-ninjas. What I’m trying to say is, they run out often and need more. For Christmas I got him a nice set of shurikens at the weapons store in the mall and it gave me an excuse to spend about an hour in there knowing I wasn’t going to leave without some weapons.
2. They always look chic.
Ninjas wear black. Every day. This is handy because black creates the illusion that what you’re wearing is actually fancier than it really is. He is ready for fancy-date-time at a moment’s notice, even if he is technically wearing jeans.
3. They often come in Asian flavors.
I say “often” because I’m hoping there’s some racial diversity among ninjas, but really, has anyone seen a non-Asian ninja? I could make a whole different list about why Asian men are awesome, but this list is focusing on ninjas, not their Asianness. My Super Awesome Ninja Man happens to be Vietnamese, which means his eyes are skin are the most gorgeous thing ever. He also possesses the ability to talk very quietly which I’m hoping I can learn through osmosis by napping on his chest.
4. They have Honor
Remember the time that one girl whined, “waahh, chivalry is dead and guys all suck.” Well she’s obviously been dating non-ninjas. My Super Awesome Ninja Man told me all about the Code of Honor he lives by, and wants to raise his future children on. It some pretty sweet stuff, and it can best be described as Chivalry minus Sexism plus Doing The Right Thing, and a dash of Common Sense. Ninjas should teach classes at Universities where frat brahs are found! Actually that’s hopeless cause, nevermind.
5. They got your back
This is the most obvious, and why I saved it for last. It really doesn’t need to be explained, but it has to be included. I predicted that after I’d been writing this for a while, I would start to feel lazy and not want to do much explaining/thinking near the end. I was right.