Saturday, August 9, 2014

Scrappy poem

I'm in the midst of a poetry period. This is a thing that happens in my life. I get stuck on poetry and can't get anything else done. Except for turning some of the poems into songs. Which is really just another form of obsessing over poetry. So here's a shitty poem I wrote in like 10 minutes. I call this "scrap poetry" and believe it or not, this is actually one of my better scrap pieces.
Enjoy...? (Take that as you will, but it's meant sort of like a dare.)

When Fucked By A Tree

When a tree fucks you
It comes out of nowhere
Just ask the girl in Evil Dead
Who would suspect a tree
Capable of such deviance

Earthy, slow, steady
Yet intrusive and intense
Cool wood stings and splinters
Too flammable to withstand fiery heat

Old advice to heed:
When in the forest
Do as the nymphs

Side note: I hope you can see the forest for the trees... this is not a poem about being okay with rape. Someone just pointed out to me the ease of jumping to that conclusion.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Dear anyone still following this blog who doesn’t keep up with me in real life,

I’m baaaaack! Also, what are you thinking? Why are you here? This blog is terrible! But it will get better, hopefully. Maybe. I only sort of care. That’s part of my charm. So we’ll see how well this turns out. Anyways, after a long hiatus of most things funny, I’ve decided to start updating this again.
But first, here are some life updates to know:

- I’m still alive! And I’m still funny (maybe, that’s always debatable)!

- I moved back to the Bay Area after Austin, which is where I wrote pretty much all of the past entries. I miss Austin and would love to move back someday. Now I live in the ‘burbs of SF not to far from the airport. Got a sweet deal and loving it here too.

- I left adverti666sing for a more noble and satisfying career in actually helping people by teaching them to gain control of their space, time, and stuff. It’s called Professional Organizing and it’s a lot like that show Hoarders but less gross. Most of the time. I no longer get paid to be funny though, which is all the more reason for me to start posting again. Overall I get paid to do more things I love and less things I feel bad about, so this is a huge improvement. Advertising was a weird direction for me, and in theme with this blog and my life, it only barely made any sense for me to be doing. It was a choice that was made when I wanted to believe I knew myself at 18 and because of societal norms, was forced to make major life decisions without a lot of information that would have been useful. It’s all good now though. Zero regrets.

- I didn’t completely disappear from all things comedy during this hiatus. What happened was I started doing more drag and it became my comedic outlet. It was challenging and fun and hilarious. But then I stopped because of some hard times, other projects, and overwhelm. I went though a comedic and artistic funk for a while. And now that’s over, so I’m back.

- Ninja boyfriend is out. He did not use my cover letter for Twitter nor get the job there. Obviously not a coincidence. He was mostly good times, like advertising, and also ultimately not for me. And finally, after, oh, a couple of years (just shy of 12 to be exact), the real deal is in. Sinseriously! Ross & Rachel stylee! We’ll call him The Hotter Potter for now. I like the rhyme, but hate how similar it is to Harry Potter (damn that child for stealing my thunder before it had a chance to thunder!), so that’s subject to change. More on him another time(s?). There’s good story here I plan to shine the nonsense on somehow.

- I eventually found the cookie sheet from "Dear Cookie Sheet." Someone had taken it out of the dishwasher and put it somewhere weird in the kitchen. I still have it, but I recently bought a better one so it rarely gets used.

Well, I think that about builds a bridge of marshmallows and bacon over the gap between then and now. More coming soon.